Ten Guys You Should Run From

When I first read this post from Sonja at Running In Pearls I had to ask her to guest post it.

Yall need to check out her blog after you read this!

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Ten Guys You Should Run From 

These past few weeks have been interesting to say the least. Really...Interesting. It always baffles me when you think someone is a good person but they turn out to be a complete asshat.

The more I thought about it, the more I was coming up with all kinds of classifications. While they are all as equally as douchey, there are, in fact, some differences. I even googled this just so I could do some research to make sure it was also, in fact, "him, not me". You know that line.

Here are 10 guys that you should stay away from:

1. The Guy with a Questionable Past

 This would be about the guy who flies his "raunch card" within the first 10 minutes of a conversation. You know, like the ones who ALL of their ex-girlfriends/wives are the crazy ones? There's an excuse for anything and everything..."Oh, I did this because she was bat shit crazy." or "She cheated on me. I was so heartbroken, I didn't know how else to deal with it". Gag.

2.The Player.

There are two types of "players" out there. The former player who is now looking to settle down and the perennial player, who has no intention of settling down. Ever. He tells you exactly what you want to hear: like he's tired of being single, he wants a relationship. This my dear, is complete bs, don't fall for it. You're not stupid, you'll know when you come across one.

3.The Not Over His Ex Guy.
The one that talks about her constantly and how horrible she is, how horrible her new boyfriend is, everything that she did wrong to him. Which could also fall into the "shady past" kind of guy. Either way. Run. Fast.

4.The Joker.
I don't come across these types of guys too often because I have amazing wit and don't let any guy, or female, degrade me with sarcasm and/or jokes. Or at all. But you get the point. If a guy uses his "sarcasm" to bring you down, he's a jerk and dump him immediately.

5.The Freight Train.
Possibly my favorite one to explain. Freight train pretty much sums it up in those two little words, but oh how true they are.The guy who wants to spend every waking moment with you and talking to you. He'll text multiple times a day, talk to you all night, talk about the future with you, he will sweet talk you in and convince you he's the one. All before you even know his last name. He loves the chase, once he has you though and has you convinced, he'll drop you before you even know what's happening, all while picking the next girl at the next stop.

6. The Man-Boy
He's beyond the age of college partying and house parties, yet he's still partying. He's still racking up beer pong championships and corn-hole wins. While he may be fun now y'all, he won't be fun when you're ready to settle down and he's all, "What? No way!".

7.The Downer
Misery loves company is this fella to a tee. Oh my word, the Downer. If life hands him lemons and he can't make lemonade, be skeptical. If you try to cheer him up and he continues to be blah about life, just walk away and find someone who has a positive outlook on life. You don't need to be with someone who will only bring you down.

8. Mr. MasterCard
This guy has money and he's not afraid to flaunt it. Or make you know just how well he's doing. I don;t know about you ladies, but this type of action is repulsing and an immediate deal breaker. While going out is nice, you will quickly see that he's materialistc.

9. Sir. Makes Excuses A lot.
Lately, nothing gets on my nerves more than someone who makes excuses for anything and everything. If you don't want to do something, say it. If you don't think you're willing to change something, then don't but say something. This guy will say he's not doing something because of "yada yada", he's not changing because "blah blah", he didn't buy you flowers because his cat died, etc. The biggest bullshitter of them all. No one wants to be with someone who you can't depend on.

10. The Wisher-Washer
The most frustrating guy, the one who makes me want to throat punch anyone with a pe.n.i.s.

One minute he's all about you. The next minute he doesn't know if he wants a relationship. After that, there's someone else and he needs to think about things. Then he needs to chose between two women. All while staying "confused" and talking to you like nothing ever happened. They want to have their cake and eat it too basically. I personally believe that he's related to the Freight Train.

Am I right ladies? Anyone else that you would add to the list?!

There's a Yak in my pool

Did y'all know Kayaks are the new thing? Yup, apparently they are. 

I had been looking for a cheap one for a while when my Mom called me and said she found one for $20 at a yard sale. Score! $20! Those suckers are upwards of $500.

It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but I was super excited to try it out. One of my guy BFF's, ( RMFB, yeah that's his nickname, no joke) has a kayak too. We loaded them up and went for an early morning cruise around Ft. Lauderdale's water ways. 

Or should I say, I spun around them.

There's a defect of this kayak. It only wants to go in circle. I spent two hours spinning around the intercoastal. Meh. 

After that, two more gf's bought kayaks and another has a pair paddle boards. 

I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice so I borrowed RMFB's kayak. 

So much nicer!

The girls headed out for an afternoon of fun and sun. 

Now that I have used a real kayak, guess what?

I want one. Another one. 

Enter craigslist,

This crazy woman had two kayaks listed for $70. Two for 70? Whats wrong with them?

RMFB went down to check them out. They were a Piece. Of.Crap. He ended up with both for free. 

One was chucked out and sent to the trash immediately, the other...

...was repaired and is currently chillin' in my pool with a cinder block over the patched part.

We put her in yesterday morning and when I got home she was still floating!

I'm still on the lookout for a larger one, but I just got a free kayak! Thanks RMFB!

Friday morning, Let's go!

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Swap Buttons?

Yes, please!

Vegas!

A free trip to Las Vegas? Hell yeah. 

Back in January I had to go to Vegas for work, it also happen to be my birthday weekend so I wasn't going to pass that trip up. 

[Thursday]

Beginning the madness were drinks at the airport. 

Gotta love the gym parents that were on our flight, they bought our drinks. 

I don't drink Vodka, and I was. Just FYI. 

A co-worker brought a gallon sized bag with mini vodka bottles. 

Sober we were not.

 Until we got in trouble for bringing our own alcohol on a flight. Whoops. Who knew?

Once we got off the plane and headed into the city the excitement was growing. I was the only one in the group who had never been out there. 

We checked in to New York, New York, changed and got ready to head out. 

Hottness walking, watch out Vegas. 

Our endevour ended at the Bank at the Bellagio. 

We bee lined it straight to the bar, more vodka. 

As soon as we had picked our spot to shake what our momma's gave us, security came up to us and asked if we'd like to join a group of five dudes in VIP.

Sure, why not?

They were't our type, and only one was attractive but they were hilarious to talk to. 

$500 bottle of Grey Goose? Sure why not.  Well have two. 

As we were leaving the club, the shoes had to come off. Yes, we walked barefoot through a Vegas casino. I'm sure we're not the first. 

Some guy even commented that I walked a straight line in the carpet like I was on a balance beam.

 Ha, little did he know that's what I was doing in my head. Gymteacherproblem. 

[Friday]

Let's just say the next day did not start off well.

A mad dash to find a bathroom to vomit in does not give someone hope of having a great day. 

Vegas - 2, Jess - 0.

It actually ended up well. We walked the strip and saw most of the hotels, then changed to go to Zarkana, a cirque show. Also, another first for me. 

( first ever selfie)

Apparently it was a big birthday weekend bc we ran into fellow birthday children all the time. 

Hello photo with random boys. It was his 21st birthday. Or so he says. 

After the show we went to the Venetian to meet up with the same gym parents and more beverages. Free drinks? Yeah man. 

A friend of mine had driven over from California and we all hung out all night. We shall call him DC. 

[ Saturday] 

Work day. We had competition all day Saturday, but when it was over DC and his friend picked me up and we hung out a little while more until my other partners in crime were finished for the day. 

At this point I'm feeling the drinks we had. My friend Amanda shows up, we head back to our hotel to shower and change. We had a scheduled team picture in from of the Bellagio at 9 pm.

8:45, were still slightly drunk in our hotel room. 

In the cab we go. 

( Amanda ALWAYS has to pee, btw)

We pull up in front of the hotel, and what does Amanda want to do? Go pee. It's 8:54.

Mad dash to the bathroom ensues. 

We walk out of the hotel.. its 9:00 and we're not there for the picture. What do we do? Run almost a mile in 30 degree weather, drunk, to get there "on time". 

Yeah, we were late. 

Oops. 

[Sunday] 

My Birthday!!!!

One of us had to work all day, so the rest of us hit the town. 

Amanda, DC and his friend, and I got up at 1 pm, and went to lunch. 

Helloooo Hash House a Go GO.

Followed by the rides at the straotsphere where my grown ass played patty cake while hanging off the side of the building while spinning in circle. 
Oh yeah, did I mention it was my birfday!?
We HAD to party it up Vegas style. Check us out bitches!

Where did we go?

THUNDER FROM DOWN UNDER.

y'all know I have a freakinghugething for Australian men. It's a problem.

Give me naked Australians in Vegas? I may have wanted to jump for joy.. or jump them. I wonder which. 

I had hott male nudeness 7 inches away. No lie, they stand ON your table. 

WE could have waited 40 minutes in line to take pictures with those beautiful men, but there were drinks to be had. 

Birthday in Vegas? Tell everyone about that shit. 

Free shots, free drinks. It's amazing. It's like adult disney. 

And wait in line? Not our style. They strippers come out to the bar after the show. 

We win. 

You cant' take pictures with them out there, but we got a few. 

By the end of the night I couldn't drink anymore and I was making promises to my feet about not putting them back into heels for a couple months. 

I lied.. but I also couldn't stomach any more southern. 

My lonely drink was left by itself. 

Vegas - 3249872398476, Me - 1.

I can't wait to do it again.